Like this:

Have you ever heard what they say about first impressions? “You only make one”. When going into a job interview, make a great first impression because that’s how you’ll be remembered.  For the most part, I think we all hold this idea of first impressions in our minds. I’m not saying it’s something we are consciously always thinking about. There are times when we’re thinking about making a good impression more than others, like at a job interview. The idea behind making a good impression is running on the assumption that the first impression is how people will remember you. If you trip the first time you meet someone, that may in fact be what they remember about you. I’m sure if it came time to find someone to walk them down the aisle at their wedding they wouldn’t choose you. If that ever came up…? Which, I don’t know why it would.

In any event, I do this weird thing where I can actually like someone, and I can actually think they’re a really great person, but they could do something that only slightly involves me, and then it dramatically shifts the way I feel about them. Like a first impression of sorts. That is, and forever will be how I remember them. There really isn’t anything that I can do to help it. It’s just how I feel. Today, I had one of those moment with someone.

I’ve come as close as to almost de-friend them from Facebook, although that would prompt this person to ponder why, and I honestly don’t care enough to have to deal with it.  It could be one of those situations where I could mend it, not hold a grudge, but I honestly don’t want to. I mean, they’re not a bad person, they didn’t dis Lady Gaga or Lea Michele or Neil Patrick Harris, or any of my other idols, but it feels like in a way they did. Ever since hearing this anecdote I’ve had a sick feeling. I’ve had a horrible pain that I can’t shake off. As I write this blog, and as their image runs around in my head I am honestly disgusted. I literally took a shower earlier and tried to scrub the dis-taste from my body.

The pure thought of having to spend a undetermined amount of time with this person in the coming months is honestly making me sick to my stomach. But, like I said, it’s just like a first impression, it is hard to kick it. I don’t mean to hold a grudge, but in this case I honestly cannot help it. I was offended in more ways than one, and I just can’t seem to forget, nor do I want to put enough effort in to remedy the situation, and be upfront and say “Hey, this is what I heard, and honestly it is uncool, fuck you!”. I can’t bring myself to doing that, not in the slightest.

As said by Chris Colfer in the issue of Rolling Stone with Glee on the cover:
” You know that forget-and-forgive bullshit? No, no, no, no, not for me. You take that grudge and let that grudge fester, and then you use it.”

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