Like this:

Have you ever been so into a song that you had it on repeat? You know, where that was the song that was playing for a countless number of times. I’ve done that. I can’t recall the songs, but I have done that. Sometimes I’m just in the mood for that one song, or sometimes I think a song is so fantastic, that it deserves to be put on repeat. Now, imagine having a song on replay that you absolutely cannot stand. I’m talking about a song that makes your skin crawl, makes you want to pull your hair out, bad. Now, imagine having your life on repeat, and having it feel like it’s that horrific song playing over and over again. That’s how I feel right now. That’s how I’ve been feeling as of late.

I have work, which I go to from Wednesday to Sunday. Sure, sometimes that will vary if someone needs a favor and wants me to switch, but, for the most part, it’s the same routine. It’s just some mindless, lack of effort, occurrence in my life. I don’t want to keep doing it, but I have to. I have to do it over and over and over again. I tell myself that at some point I won’t have to do it for long, that I won’t have the misfortune of the people that have been there for years and years. The people who pride themselves on 10 plus years. The same people that make me sick, that I can’t understand. It sickens me that anyone can work such a pointless, empty job for so long, and actually feel good about what they are doing.

Me, personally, I know, and understand that society gets nothing from the work I do. I feel horrible doing it, and I hate ever second of it. The hatred is barley overshadowed by the small, 30 second glimmers of compliments that I rarely get from happy customers. I feel like I’m in the one twilight zone where they relive the same day over and over and over again. The days just blur together, one after the other. What did I do this day? What did I do that day? They’re all the same day. The problem? It doesn’t end, it just keeps going and going and going.

I’m like an animal in a box with no holes. I can’t breathe, the air escapes me. I’m waiting for something to be the air in my lungs.  I want the cycle of repetition to end. I need some road block, some speed bump to turn it down and something to eventually press “next” on what is my life. I’m tired of the same old song.

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