Fear. For many, the last day in October is a day built on fear. It is the day when we are encouraged to wear  gruesome masks and  face paints. It is a day when many try to emulate the things that go bump in the night. Witches and ghosts. Monsters and demons. These are things that we normally don’t like to deal with. Yet, we dedicate a day where we actually appreciate seeing all this unpleasantness displayed. Which house will scare the trick-or-treaters more? Which neighbor will get more bang for their bucks on their fog machine? Who can put on the more believable haunted house?

Yes, all of these are things that we admire on October 31st. They are all built on fear. But, why is it that we face the things we fear so head on just one day a year? Why is it that we can be so open and unafraid of all the frightful things just one night out of the year? What about the remaining days? Surely, if we can face our fears one day a year we can do it for say, two, or possibly three…no?

Well, in reality, we aren’t facing any real fear at all. Sure, children might fear these things, but on that day, they will be more than likely to have a parent holding their hand. Taking them to the door, and assuring them that zombie that just came out of the coffin was just one of the residents of the home which they were going to, to ask for candy. Although, some adults fear these same monsters and demons, and witches and ghosts, not all of them do. These fictitious fears are ones that most children have, and eventually grow out of.

Most of the adults that commemorate the final day of October aren’t facing any fears at all. The monsters that hide under their beds, or in our closets aren’t fictitious at all. The monsters in our closets and under our beds, go from simple childhood fears, to adult grown realities. As adults, these monsters become the secrets that we keep from our friends, from our family, and yes…even from ourselves. For you see, when we grown up, the only thing that we think of when something goes bump in the night, is that somewhere, someone, is finding out the truth.

1. When people don’t use photos of themselves. I would like to see you, please and thank you!

2. People whose political views are just stated as “Obama!” I like the guy too, however, you look like a gigantic douche bag for that! I have seen many people who have done this so I am basically here to say that I would prefer if you didn’t do that. Awesome!

3. I don’t like it when people that add me on Facebook act weird when I comment on their status, or photos. There was an instance where this girl who went to my college, and I had never seen before, added me on Facebook. I accepted her request and then a few weeks later she posted a pretty funny status to which I posted a reply to. A few minutes later it was deleted. Seriously? You are a huge huge bitch for that. You added me. If you don’t want me to comment on a status that I think is funny, or on a picture that I like, then don’t add me at all!

4. People who can’t decide if their status will be in 3rd person or not. There are status updates that go as follows:

Jose is thinking about doing work but he doesn’t really know. What should I do?

C’mon people, just decide. Choose either:

Jose is thinking about doing work but he doesn’t really know. What should he do?

OR

Jose I’m thinking about doing work. What should I do?

There are two options. Choose one, and don’t combine them.

5. I really really really dislike, no, scratch that, despise with a passion, when people comment on events that they cannot attend telling the person, or group, the usually ridiculous self absorbed reasons why they can’t make it.

I’d totally LOVE to go, but I can’t, my aunt’s cousins daughter is getting her tubes tied, and I don’t want to miss it. Sorry…wish I could make it. If I had known earlier I totally would have. Maybe next time!

There are so many things wrong with this. First off, I did exaggerate the excuse a tad, but it isn’t that far off. Now, this usually almost ALWAYS happens. The person apologizes as if them not attending is end the world. Sure, people apologize to be cordial, however these people usually don’t care about that at all. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. 9 times out of 10 the event holder doesn’t give a damn why you aren’t attending. Just RSVP with a “not attending” and leave it at that.

**There is a side note to this, because I am also annoyed by people who don’t read the event information/description, and then ask questions about it in the comments. Read the event information first jerks!

This is a new thing that I am starting on my blog called Friday 5. I won’t be doing it every Friday, and they can be 5 anything. If you are interested in doing your own Friday 5 let me know. Also, if you have any ideas for topics in the Friday 5 category let me know as well! To get more Friday 5 lists look under the “Friday 5″ category!

peace && love.

An Open Letter To: Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,

Today it was brought to my attention that you have decided to delete your twitter account. Now, there have been reports that it is in fact back on, but when I last checked (a mere seconds ago) it still wasn’t. I do not follow your on twitter, so I got news of this incident from the trending topic “#mileycomeback” which is, at the moment, the number one most popular trending topic. Upon discovering this, and being the part-time investigative journalist that I am, I went searching for answers. I stumbled upon a few articles which had the tweet in where you declared that you were leaving.

“FYI Liam doesn’t have a twitter & he wants ME 2 delete mine w/ good reason”- via @Mileycyrus

When I read that I was rather confused as to who the hell Liam was, so I went searching again with my sly detective skills. Turns out that Liam is Liam Hemsworth, an Australian actor. There a few things wrong with this. First off, what does Liam not having a twitter have anything to do with this? No body in the States knows, nor cared who the hell “Liam” was until you starting dating him. Also, if you are old enough to wear short skirts and dance on the poles of ice cream carts, then you are old enough to make your own decisions, no? Well, then why are you letting this kid influence you? Sorry, I shouldn’t say kid, I should say older kid considering that he is 19.

I don’t know about the laws “down under” but in the state of California, where you reside, him being 3 years older than you is considered statutory rape. Now, if he were 18, and just 2 years older than you, then it would fly.

As I recall, your last boyfriend was 21 years old. Are there no guys your age? What happened with Nick Jonas? He was nice. He was also your age. By the way that you dress, I can assure you that you can find a douche bag that is your age. I used to be indifferent about you. I used to think, “Hey, everyone! Leave this girl alone”.  Now, not so much.

So, being the amazing movie actor that I am on the weekends, I am going to give you some career advice. You were going on about how you were going to love being at the Oscars this year as a nominee. You said you were joking about that, but we all knew you were serious. You are very proud of this new movie that you are in, which, last time I checked, had its release date pushed back. Being that you are a few years younger, you might not know this, but a movie release date being pushed back is never a good sign. There are only a few movies where having a release date pushed back is a good thing.

As I was doing my intensive research for this letter, it was brought to my attention that Lindsey Lohan invited you (via Twitter) to a party while you were in Paris. If you only take one thing away from this letter it is the following: STAY AWAY FROM LINDSEY LOHAN! Don’t go near her. If you are so unfortunate as to having to stand next to her don’t even breath! If she somehow gets you number, change it! If she sends you a gift, burn it! Don’t even say her name. Long exposure to Lindsey Lohan will ruin your life. In a few years you will be worse than her!

Sincerely,

Jose.

I have been asked on a number of occasions the following  statements:

How do you generate people to your blog? How do I start a  blog? How to I keep doing it? What makes it fun? How can I  make it popular? etc.

That is a variation of things that I have been asked by people  (both that I know, and that I don’t). Not to toot my own horn  (although this is my blog…so it shouldn’t matter!) but, I get a pretty steady number of blog visitors. Even when I don’t post for a while, the numbers are still pretty up there. So, I decided to consolidate all of my (semi-) extensive knowledge to help others. This is my Oprah moment. (not really).

HOW TO GET STARTED:
So, you don’t have a blog yet? First, I will ask if you have had one before? If you have, you should think long and hard about where to go to get your blog started. I have used a number of services prior to getting settled on WordPress.  When I had my first blog, it was just posting on my old Myspace page. If blogging is something that you are going to do on a more steady basis then you don’t want to post your blogs on your Myspace page, or as Facebook notes. The reason for this is because there is a certain level of promotion that having a blog attached to your social networking site brings. Prior to WordPress I used blogger.com. There are a number of free services out there to choose from, so my advice is to look around and test the water. There are benefits to each, and the more you know before hand, the better you will be. I would even go as far as opening accounts on two sites that you are thinking about, and trying them out for a few days. Just play around. Maybe even preview it for a friend. You must make sure that your blog is easy to navigate, both for the reader, but most importantly, for yourself.

HOW TO BLOG:
It is probably no secret that when you are blogging, proofreading is a must. Now, I am not saying that you must have perfect grammar, or anything of that sort. However, you should look through it to make sure that everything that you have said makes sense. Now, I usually only go through it once, and there are sometimes things that I miss. However, the important  part of this process is that you have to know when to over proofread. If you are writing something that could potentially be scandalous, or generate a lot of buzz, you MUST make sure your writing is near perfect. Here are some examples of when to be overly, and when not to be, overly cautious:

- Writing about shopping for dog food…not so much.
- Writing about how you think the liberal media is responsible for teen pregnancy….PROOFREAD PROOFREAD PROOFREAD!!!

There will always be people who are basing their comments on how you write, and not the ideas. The more discussion that your post could generate, the more likely it is for someone calling you out on a technicality. Another reason for good writing is that you want your blog to be easy to read. As a reader, I will know within the first few sentences what I will think about your blog as a whole. I have come across a number of blog entries that I just stop reading. They are just too hard to follow, and there have been times where I just comment and say “Hey…I couldn’t even get through this entry!”

WRITING STYLE:  Under how to blog, falls the writing style. Personally, I use different types. The longer your entry will be, the more entertaining you should try to make it. When you know that you have a lot to say, try to add things that allow a break from the material. This comes in the form of parenthetical side notes on this blog (Like this one. It really has nothing to do with the post, and the entry could usually do without it, but it adds a little flair to give the reader a break, and time to process what is being said). On my “Mini-Blog” series I don’t worry about giving that extra flair, because those are usually 2 paragraphs, or even 3 at the most. This might sound sad, but people don’t like to read a lot. If you are getting starting in the blogging game, you will have try to keep it short. Especially if you don’t have something interesting to talk about. Remember, this is the internet. People’s attention spans aren’t that big.

BLOG TYPE:

This blog is not a niche blog by any stretch of the word. Don’t know what that is? Well, a niche blog is a blog that can be marketed at a certain group, like someone who just blogs about cooking for example. Their entire blog is dedicated to all things cooking. There are people who have multiple blogs to cover the broad spectrum of topics that they have. This now takes us back to finding the right place to host your blog. Here on WordPress, I have the ability to place my entries into different categories (haven’t noticed…head towards the bottom of this post. Check them out).  This way I can blog about a variety of different topics, thereby not having a niche blog. Are there benefits to having a niche blog? YES! If you have a niche blog, the chances of you getting a big following is much, much bigger. If people know that your blog is all about cooking, they will be drawn to it when they need something cooking related because they can count on you having posted something on cooking. Unlike blogs that are like mine, where you don’t really ever know what you are going to get. The benefits to have a more sporadic blog like mine, are few and far between. One benefit would be that you can have a broader audience, however that also means that a person would be less likely to come back to my blog if they are looking for something specific.

Now, if you would like to expand your blog, then you are going to want to avoid writing too much about what happened to you on Tuesday. No one really cares, unless you can being it in and make it east to relate to. These posts are okay once and awhile, but if you do it all the time it will limit the number of readers you have. Sometimes, believe it or not, people find it creepy to read about the days of people they don’t know.

NAME DROPPING:

This is a big no no. There are very few times when it is acceptable to name drop. If you are talking about the time you went to the grocery store and ran into Neil Patrick Harris buying cucumbers, that is all good! I would LOVE to read about that. If you are talking about how you and Molly Sue are fighting over your boyfriend, that is a no no. Not just because it is negative and Molly Sue would prefer you not to, but also because by writing about Molly Sue you are limiting your audience. Is it ever okay? Yes, but NOT when you are starting out. I have done this on occasions, like when I wrote my “College Dropout” blog. That was fine because I was writing about particular things that I was going to miss, and therefore I included certain people (and things we did together) to make the experience more real. I used the name dropping to enhance the blog entry. Just like talking about Neil Patrick Harris at the grocery store would enhance the entry.

MARKETING:

Seriously? Yes, I am serious. Reader will rarely come to you first. When you first start out, you have to make the readers come. There are several ways of doing this. Number one is obviously to post your links where ever you can. Don’t worry about over doing it. As you start to generate more hits, you can reduce this practice. Here is the thing, the more views that you get, the higher up on the GOOGLE search list you are. NAMEING is a huge part of this. You want something short and sweet. JOEALMUN is my short and sweet. When I first started blogging if you searched JOEALMUN on google it gave me results for Joe Salmon. Now, when you google it, all the entries are previous blog entries of mine. On a related note, when your blog asks (under settings usually) if you want to make your entires un-searchable on search engines, you need to say NO! If you say yes, then it will limit the ways that people can reach and find your blog.

Another thing is when you name blog posts, you should make it something that people want to read. Don’t worry about being raunchy. There is an entry that I did entitled ”Things I Like in My Mouth”, now, don’t you want to go and read that? I bet you do. If anything just to find out what it is all about!

I am sure that there are other things that will aid you in having a successful blog, but to be honest at the moment I just can’t come up with them! Now, feel free to use these and let me know if these were things that helped you. Did you already know this? Was this helpful? Want to know more? Was there something that YOU think I left out? Feel free to ask! Also, if you have a blog, I would LOVE to check it out. Leave the link in the comments.

Dear Summer,

As you know, I live in Minnesota. I don’t know if you are aware, but you didn’t really show up. I mean, on the calendar, it was summer, but you didn’t bring the nice HOT weather that I love you for. LOVE? Yes. You are reading right. I said it. I love you, Summer. What is it that I like most about you? Well, I like the feeling of the sun on my back as I lay in the sand at the beach. Sure it may be flooded with people, but that doesn’t matter to me. I know that others love you too. I’m not jealous. You give me everything that I have ever wanted. You make me feel so good when I am down. Not having you around me isn’t easy. I simply don’t know how to quit you. Reading a great book under a shady tree makes my heart warm and fuzzy.

Like I said before, I feel like you didn’t even come to Minnesota. I felt neglected. Sure, you were here for a week or two here, and a week or two there, but really, I needed you here for 3 months. That is never enough, but I have gotten used to those short 3 months. Having you for a few weeks randomly just didn’t cut it for me! It isn’t working. I need you in my life. I miss you a lot, and well, Summer…I Love You. I don’t think I will be able to bare the next 7 or 8 months without you. Let’s be honest, in Minnesota is it more like 8. I don’t think I will be able to fill this void! Sure, I look great in a hoodie and jeans, but hell…I like being half naked a lot more! Couldn’t you just come back to me in November? I would even settle for you coming back for half of October. That isn’t too out of the question right? I mean, with global warming and all, I’m sure you could work it out…couldn’t you?

Best Wishes,

Love Jose.

Have you ever had a dream that you really wish was reality? It felt so real, so why isn’t it? You wake up to the fact that this dream is now just a distant occurrence. The dreams where you try so hard to fall back asleep to relive. I had one today. It was magical. Upon thinking about it I still have a warm feeling inside. The only thing that makes it bitter is the fact that it wasn’t real. What makes it bitter is the feeling that I want to live it in real life.

Now, I am one of the highest believers in deja vu. I’ve had it more than once. The main place of this is in my dreams. I’ll dream an event very vividly. It isn’t anything too major, and not something that stands out. It is very realistic. It could happen. Then, months, weeks, later it does happen. It isn’t anything like the sky falling, it is more of just a conversation or an event. I will be going through the event and suddenly it comes to me that, I had in fact dreamt this exact event. The same person, the same conversation, same clothes, same place.

Now, if you have stuck with me this far, and don’t think I am crazy, then thanks! Now, I don’t think this is too weird…is it? I don’t. When I have these very enticing dreams, like I did last night, I think to myself why can’t this happen always? Why can’t these great ones come true. Instead of just the mediocre ones.

By now you are probably wondering what in the world I want to come true so bad. What is so great about this dream? Well, I can’t give away specifics, but I will share some of the aspects that were in the dream and their explanations.

The dream I had signified the respect and adoration of a close friend, and possibly the romantic interest in this person. My dream was also symbolic of my caring and loving nature. In addition to the fact that this person is someone that I hold close to my heart. In addition to the connection that I have to this person, and the fear of possibly loosing touch with this person.

Now, there were more peoeple involved, but this was the main person that was in this said dream, and so I ask to you all… have and of your dream come true, in this more literal sense that I was describing? Do you like dreaming? Do you do it a lot? What do you think about the disclosure I had about my dream? Answer in the comments. =).

As the big night approaches (tomorrow) it is about time that I give you all my Emmy Predictions. Like it or Hate it, I’m doing it! Make sure to let me know what you think. Which you agree with, and which you think are totally off! Keep in mind that I will be posting  after the Emmys to see which I was right, and which I got dead wrong!

Best Series, Drama
‘Big Love’
‘Breaking Bad’
‘Damages’
‘Dexter’
‘House’
‘Lost’
‘Mad Men’
Winner: Mad Men. They have been the little show that could, and I think that this streak will continue for them. A possible contender would be ‘Breaking Bad’. As far as ‘Lost’ goes, maybe they will get better luck next year, as the series gets ready for an end in 2010.

Best Series, Comedy
‘30 Rock’
‘Entourage’
‘Family Guy’
‘Flight Of The Conchords’
‘How I Met Your Mother’
‘The Office’
‘Weeds’
Winner: 30 Rock. They had another great year with some stellar guest stars. As far as potential contenders, I would say that ‘Entourage’ would be one. As far as ‘Family Guy’ is concerned, they should be content with being nominated. The voters aren’t too keen to their style of comedy. The move from the cartoon category, into the plain ole’ Comedy category doesn’t help their cause.

Best Actor, Drama
Bryan Cranston ‘Breaking Bad’
Michael C. Hall ‘Dexter’
Hugh Laurie ‘House’
Gabriel Byrne ‘In Treatment’
Jon Hamm ‘Mad Men’
Simon Baker ‘The Mentalist’
Winner: Hugh Laurie. This is his 4th Emmy nomination for ‘House’ and it would be his first win. His performance in the series has only gotten better over time, and this is long over due. As far as possible contenders go, Bryan Cranston could take it. However, if Emmy voters have been paying attention, Hugh Laurie will take this no problem.

Best Actress, Comedy
Tina Fey ‘30 Rock’
Christina Applegate ‘Samantha Who?’
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
‘The New Adventures Of Old Christine’
Sarah Silverman ‘The Sarah Silverman Program’
Mary-Louise Parker ‘Weeds’
Toni Collette ‘United States Of Tara’
Winner: Tina Fey will take this once again. However, a possible contender is Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Someone that I hope would take it is Christina Applegate for her last year on ‘Samantha Who?’. However, that isn’t very likely.

Best Actor, Comedy
Alec Baldwin ‘30 Rock’
Tony Shalhoub ‘Monk’
Jim Parsons ‘The Big Bang Theory’
Steve Carell ‘The Office’
Charlie Sheen ‘Two And A Half Men’
Jemaine Clement ‘Flight Of The Conchords’
Winner: Last year ‘30 Rock’ dominated the Emmys. That makes this category exceptionally hard to predict. On the one hand Alec Baldwin has continued to deliver on fan favorite ‘30 Rock’. Jermaine Clement and Jim Parsons are the two new comers in this category, while the others were all nominated for their respective roles in this category last year. I think that Jim Parsons could potentially take it, but if not, then Alec Baldwin would be in for another win.

Best Actress, Drama
Sally Field ‘Brothers & Sisters’
Glenn Close ‘Damages’
Mariska Hargitay ‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’
Holly Hunter ‘Saving Grace’
Kyra Sedgwick ‘The Closer’
Elisabeth Moss ‘Mad Men’
Winner: All of these women were nominated last year, with the exception of Elisabeth Moss. Though the Emmys have been known to being quite nice to new comers, over previous nominees, I don’t think that she is going to benefit. Though I would personally like to see Mariska Hargitay take this home, I think that it is between Sally Field and Glen Close (both having won in this category back in 2007 and 2008).

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
Kevin Dillon ‘Entourage’
Tracy Morgan ‘30 Rock’
Neil Patrick Harris ‘How I Met Your Mother’
Rainn Wilson ‘The Office’
Jon Cryer ‘Two And A Half Men’
Jack McBrayer ‘30 Rock’
Winner: Neil Patrick Harris. With Jackass Jeremy Piven out-of-the-way, it is finally time for the real start to shine through! This past season was hands down his best on ‘How I Met Your Mother’. It is definitely his time. Now, the possible contender for this would be Tracy Morgan and Jack McBrayer. If Voters decide to make it all about ‘30 Rock’ like they did last year. If voters have paid attention, then Emmy Host Neil Patrick Harris will get what he deserves.

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series
Rose Byrne ‘Damages’
Hope Davis ‘In Treatment’
Chandra Wilson ‘Grey’s Anatomy’
Sandra Oh ‘Grey’s Anatomy’
Dianne Wiest ‘In Treatment’
Cherry Jones ‘24’
Winner: Chandra Wilson. Despite the turbulent year that ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ has had, the talent that Chandra Wilson brought to the table shouldn’t be over looked. She gave many powerful performances, and I think that this is her Emmy to win.

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series
William Shatner ‘Boston Legal’
Christian Clemenson ‘Boston Legal’
Aaron Paul ‘Breaking Bad’
Michael Emerson ‘Lost’
John Slattery ‘Mad Men’
William Hurt ‘Damages’
Winner: Michael Emerson. The fact that ‘Boston Legal’ ended will have no affect on the voters, which means no luck for William Shatner or Christian Clemenson.

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
Kristin Chenoweth ‘Pushing Daisies’
Kristen Wiig ‘Saturday Night Live’
Amy Poehler ‘Saturday Night Live’
Jane Krakowski ‘30 Rock’
Vanessa Williams ‘Ugly Betty’
Elizabeth Perkins ‘Weeds’
Winner: This category is a draw for me. It was a breakout year on ‘Saturday Night Live’ for Kristen Wiig. However, it was also a great year for Amy Poehler. The award is in one of their hands. A possible contender is Vanessa Williams who once again brought her A-game to ‘Ugly Betty’. Kristin Chenoweth snags the last nomination for cancelled ‘Pushing Dasies’, but I regret to say that she won’t be able to make them proud. This is a bitter 3 way battle, and the top two contenders are Poehler and Wiig.

Best Reality-Competition Program
‘American Idol’
‘Dancing With The Stars’
‘Project Runway’
‘The Amazing Race’
‘Top Chef’
Winner: Hands down, this is ‘The Amazing Race’. This show has been great from the start, and the voters know that. This year is no different. I’ve heard some predict that ‘Top Chef’ might give it a run for its money, but I simply don’t believe that. Personally, I would like to see ‘Dancing With The Stars’ take it home, but this is a race that has already been won.

Best Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program
Ryan Seacrest ‘American Idol’
Tom Bergeron ‘Dancing With the Stars’
Phil Keoghan ‘The Amazing Race’
Heidi Klum ‘Project Runway’
Jeff Probst ‘Survivor’
Padma Lakshmi and Tom Colicchio ‘Top Chef’
Winner: Last year this went to Jeff Probst, and I don’t think he will be able to take it twice. Tom Bergon is hands down the winner of this category. He was robbed of his award from last year! I’m pretty sure that the voters learned from the drama that went down at last years award show, hosted by all 5 nominees (most of which are back again). The only thing that last years awards proved is that Bergeron is the only one of these that is always on his game! In the event of an upset, it would go to Padma Lakshmi and Tom Colicchio as co-hosts.

Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series
‘Late Show With David Letterman’
‘Real Time With Bill Maher’
‘Saturday Night Live’
‘The Colbert Report’
‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Winner: I think most would say that ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart’ would take this, however, this having been an election year, ‘Saturday Night Live’ had a spectacular season. This is a close call, but I know that I would like if  ’Saturday Night Live’ could take this one.

Best Lead Actress, Miniseries or Movie
Chandra Wilson ‘Accidental Friendship’
Shirley MacLaine ‘Coco Chanel’
Drew Barrymore ‘Grey Gardens’
Jessica Lange ‘Grey Gardens’
Sigourney Weaver ‘Prayers For Bobby’
Winner: This is going to Sigourney Weaver. She gave a truly powerful performance in ‘Prayers For Bobby’.

The other day I went through the Barnes and Noble website and I bookmarked books that I wanted to read. Among these was a book by Peter Cameron entitled Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You. If Peter Cameron sounds familiar, it is because he is the author of the book turned movie The Weekend, starring Brooke Shields (which I haven’t seen or read). In addition, he has two more books set to make an appearance on the big screen. As I was researching for this blog, I recalled the fact that I wanted this book to be made into a movie. Not only that, but I also wanted to play the lead character, James Sveck.

I set out to B&N yesterday and I settled on reading this novel first (out of the others on the list). As I began reading I quickly found myself 7 chapters into the book. It was definitely hard to put down. As I was reading I quickly felt a certain connection to the main character, James. As I was going from page to page I honestly could not help but to laugh out loud at more than one part.

The book takes place over the course of a few days in 2003, and takes some time to go into flashbacks of James and his meetings with his therapist months prior. Unlike other novels that I have read with flashbacks, these were very easy to follow and flowed smoothly through the natural course of the book.

James, is an 18-year-old living in New York City, and the main journey of the novel is of his time pre-college, as he is set to attend Brown in the Fall. When I first read the synopsis of the novel, I couldn’t help but draw an instant connection to the Gossip Girl Books. Now, I have not read any of them to pass judgement, but I have caught parts of the television show. James is the product of wealthy (divorced) parents living in Manhattan. He come of privilege, and so I thought this was the story of a whinny  rich kid that doesn’t know how great he has it. I felt as if this novel was going to be hard to identify with, and was going to follow 18-year-old male socialite. On the contrary, it was nothing like that at all! James is a cynical, yet witty character that is honestly just trying to find the best path for himself.

He seems to be completely disconnected from his family and the people around him. Over the course of the book he always finds himself in a word battle with his parents, his sister, and his therapist. He is rather socially out of touch, and though sometimes he comes off rather strong, I found him to be honest in his approach to the world. He sees things through a different lens, aside from the socially acceptable.

The novel also does a great job of balancing a rather off beat main character with just as off beat characters. His mom has just suffered divorce from her 3rd marriage (lasting a matter of days), his sister is dating an older married man who is in an open relationship, and his dad is navigating the world of being a middle age white male.

Personally I felt that the novel was light, with its witty language and cynical humor. However, there are some deep issues handled in the book. There was an instance where James is asked by his father if he is gay. His father just wants to be supportive and tells him that his cares, but James turns the table and asks him if he would be less supportive if he were straight. The book is not an issue of sexuality, nor is it an issue of James being defiant. It is the honest search for what a person wants.

The novel shows the reader that sometimes what we want isn’t what we get. It shows us that things don’t always turn out as we expected, and it sheds light on the small, little things. It takes us through the motions, and through the struggle of living life not knowing what you want to do, but knowing what you don’t want to do. Most of all, it shows us that sometimes we do things without a clear explanation, and that sometimes the worst thing about horrible things in life, is that we don’t go through and experience them.

I enjoyed every second of reading this book. As I finished it, I was saddened by the fact that I had left James behind, and I only wished that there was more to read. However, that is not because the ending is rushed. It is simply because Cameron has done  a magnificent job giving James a great voice. Definitely, a must read.

Pain. We try out hardest to avoid it. Pain killers are made to get rid of our physical pain. The tangable pain. The type of pain that can be pin-pointed, or attributed to a particuluar body part. The more scientific pain. But, what about the other type of pain. The pain that can’t be attributed to our necks or backs. The pain that isn’t caused by falling on the play ground. Yet, what about the pain that can’t be fixed medically, or through pills? What do we do about that?  Some might call it the pains of the heart. The pain we feel when we break up with someone, or when someone dies. How do we recover from this pain? How do we get rid of it? Do we even want to get rid of it? I mean, when we think about it, pain does a lot of good. Physical pain tells us when something’s wrong. It tells us when we need something fixed or looked at. Emotional pain lets us know something else. It lets us know our feelings. Can it help though? With some great Blues singers, their pain can be heard in their voice. In the magnificant sounds they posses. Can greatness actually come from pain? Life can’t all be rainbows and sunshine. There has to be darkness. There has to be distress. The moon has to come out. Pain is something that we all need. It keeps us sane. Sometimes it motivates us. Makes us better. Makes us stronger. It gives us a reason to fight.

Death. I’ve blogged about it before. I’ve talked about the scary aspects of the unknown. I have talked about the funeral that I will never attend; my own. The one I truly want to see. Yet, there can be such a romanticized side of it. The side that brings things to a close. The side that grows new life.

The death of dreams sparks new ones. The closure that is brought about by the end of a possibility brings forth new opportunity, does it not? Yet, there are certain things that we are never truly ready to let go. Certain things that we can’t forget. Memories that won’t leave. Last night I had a dream that I recall having had years before. It involved a slew of people that I knew from high school. The premise of my dream was that I was in a class which turned into a ‘dive off a cliff’ adventure. The ending of the dream came when I was trusted into a dark, basement like room. The only light came from the monitor of a desktop computer which was displaying pictures of events that I did not recall occurring.

As I looked through these photographs I had a feeling that I had gone back in time to this summer. I had a list of songs that I was putting on a playlist, which was something that for some reason left me with a feeling that this was something that I had one day prepared after work. As I awoke I had the rather sour and bitter taste of nostalgia. The feeling that I was there, where ever “there” was. The feeling that I had traveled back in time only to be taken home before I was ready. Before I had said good bye. It was a feeling that made me sick to my stomach. It was the feeling that one gets as they get home from a long flight. The minute you lie in bed you can’t get to sleep despite being tired simply because you can’t wrap your head around the fact that  hours ago you weren’t home. That hours ago you were doing something else, and now you weren’t.

That dream definitely didn’t give me a sense of closure. If anything it left me feeling alone and empty. Although, this is something that I have been feeling lately. As I try to venture in life as a “real world” person I can’t help but feel like I have no purpose. I can’t help but feel as if something that I need is closure.  The issue with me currently is the amount of free time that I have, which I feel is adding to these continuing thoughts and feelings. There are times when I just want to take a chance at everything. I want to pick up and leave, follow the dreams I abandoned long time ago. Leaving would be that romanticized death. It would be the closure that is needed to fill a certain void I seem to have. Not just symbolic, but more.

Then again, there is a hopeless side of me. The side that feels as if nothing will happen regardless. A side that I have been fighting for a long time now. A side that chimes in from time to time but rarely comes out from behind the shadows. A side that is now fighting full force. The combination of empty and hopeless doesn’t really end well. We all saw how it turned out for April**. Thought it wouldn’t be the best turn out for me, it is sometimes the perfect end. It is the ultimate closure. The final curtain call. The end of a show that has been a train wreck for a while. A show with mixed reviews from critics, but with favorable thumbs up from viewers.

The hopeless empty-ness is just as unbearable as it sounds. I’m just as desperate to get out as they were. Just as desperate as she was. Yet, will it end the same? Only time will tell.

**Read my Blog on Revolutionary Road to comprehend this connection.

I was recently asked what I really did feel about relationships, and how I knew that I was so against them. This all stemmed from a Facecbook survey that I did the other night, in which I made reference to marriage, relationships, and even kids. This particular person asked me more so about relationships, but I felt like I would tackle all three of the topics previously stated. I haven’t written a blog in a while, and I felt like I owed you all one!

Relationships:

For some reason I have a very cynical view on relationships. Don’t ask me where it came from, but I do. How do I know this? Well, there is one thing that I know will confirm this. I want you to think about a couple together. Lets say we are walking down the pier and you see two young folk holding hands. Or, maybe your best friend and her boyfriend. Or your brother and his girlfriend? Or your sister and her girlfriend. I just want you to think about a couple. Now, your thought on their relationship, whether you are just thinking about them being together, or visualizing them holding hands. Your first thought might be “Aww” or “Cute” or some other variation of these warm fuzzies. Do you want to know the first thing that comes to my mind? This, honestly never fails to be the first thought that comes to mind: “It’s going to suck when they break up!”*.

*Note: I said “when”  not “if”.

Marriage:

I don’t have the same thoughts when it comes to marriage. When I am thinking, or somehow interacting with married people, I don’t think how much it would suck when they break up. On the contrary, I want them to come out, and I want them to celebrate years together, and all that good stuff. One of the toughest things that I think I endure is going to a public place and seeing a married couple fighting, or arguing. Now, it hits me hardest when I see that they have children with them, however, even if there are no children present it is still bad. How do I know they are married? It is called stalking their fingers for rings. I can usually tell. It is honestly the worst feeling to see the deterioration of a marriage, although one of my favorite books is about that.

There is a second part to this. It is that I have somehow decided that until marriage is something that is equally accessible to everyone I wouldn’t get married. To some, it might seem like I don’t ever want to get married, simply because if the mormons keep dishing out money the way they have been, then marriage equality everywhere won’t really happen. However, I assure you that it isn’t it.

To be honest, I don’t really find any real reason to get married. I mean, aside from religion, and society. If someone is very religious then they might want to get married in order to have sex and then in turn produce children. Or, they will get married so that they don’t “live in sin”. Also to be seen as having a relationship that is “worthy” and valid” in the eyes of god. Then, socially, we are sort of told that marriage is a step that we need to take to make a relationship serious. Also, even if you are not religious and you and your partner get pregnant, marriage is automatically the next step that it thought of.

All of that being said, I am not too sure about me ever getting married. I might prove myself wrong and then actually do it, but then again, probably not.

Kids:

In the aforementioned Facebook note I talked about how I am in a weird situation about children. On the one hand I don’t want kids because I don’t want to screw them up. On the other hand I want kids just because society tells me that as I get older I need something to occupy my time (and money).  Personally, I have no problem with kids. Sure, I get annoyed by certain things, but I have really been around kids (babies and older) my whole life. I have no problem with them. There is however a difference between other people’s kids, and your own kids. Personally, the aspect that appeals to me about having children is getting to name them and then being able to say that I have kids. Then I would like to have them for about 2 years. Then get them again when they are 17 years old. So, if I could just have a child, name it, send it away for a few years, and then have him or her back when he or she was 17 then I would totally be into it all! I mean, personally, I feel like the ages of 3-16 are very crucial years in a person’s life. Honestly, there are so many things that could go wrong during that time. So many ways for me to screw the kid up. It wouldn’t even be funny!

It would be nice if I could just have one child, but at the same time I don’t want that. Only children are usually spoiled, or depressed because they don’t have siblings. Then, there are their children. My only child’s kids wouldn’t have cousins or aunts and uncles. That doesn’t sounds very nice. I mean, I would basically be starting a chain or either spoiled people, or depressed lonely people.

Those are just my views on kids. Now, you are probably asking yourself how, or why, I think that I would screw up a child. Here it goes:  I am the type of person that would want to give my children differnt last names. If I had 5 kids I wouldn’t give them 5 different last names. Rather I would just give them all a last name different than mine, or their mother. Why would I do this? Well, I would do it because society wouldn’t like it. Society doesn’t know how to handle something like that. It is hard enough for people to deal with the fact that sometimes children and their mothers don’t have the same last name, and so this blatant disuse of a last name would not leave society very happy. That is why I would want to do it. Also, since I am on the subject of last names, I don’t think that I would want my significant other to take my last name. I mean, honestly, how selfish is that! I can see how some people would like that, and how it is somehow some kind of adventure, but honestly, who decided that women should give up their names? Why not the other way around?

At this point I am just ranting, but this is honestly how I feel on these 3 (seemingly important) aspects of life. Do any of you feel the same way I do? Are any of you going to psycho-analyze me and tell me why I feel the way I do? [Feel free]. I want your feedback.

+ Toothpaste: I use a lot of toothpaste when I brush my teeth. I am extremly obsessed with having clean, white teeth.

+ Hot Pizza: I don’t like the burning of my mouth, however, I LOVE hot pizza, right out of the oven. The cheese especially.

+ Floss: I guess this kind of goes for the same reasons as toothpaste, however, I like flossing, and I do it when I’m bored.

+ Headphone Cord: Whenever I listen to music, I find myself chewing on the cord. I don’t know why. I just do it. I don’t even do it on purpose. It just sort of happens.

+ Zebra Gum: You know that candy well flavored Zebra gum, with tattoo wrapper? Well, I like sticking those in my mouth and licking off the flavor (because the flavor goes away quick). I don’t actually chew those, I just like licking them.

+ Cherry Icee: I don’t really like ice cream, or cold flavored things, but I will go off with a Cherry Icee! It is extremely pleseant.

+ Crest Whitestrips: Yes. I use those.

+ Cherry Jolly Ranchers: I feel like this one is self explanatory.

+ Whip Cream: This is one of my favorite deserts, and I buy cans just to eat straight out of the can.

+ Minted Toothpicks: I think I just like playing with sticks. However, the mint is nice too.

This was not meant to be dirty…so get your head out of the gutter. I did, however, like the title of this blog, and felt that it would generate a lot of curious people to come and read it! =). Do I know how to promote or what? I also needed a semi-comedic blog. I haven’t done one of those in a long time.

That being said, I should say that I got the remains of my old Computer Oliver back. I now have Max. That is the new name of my computer. Everyone please leave a comment saying “HI!” to Max. This is my first blog on Max! I hope that we will grow as close as me and Oliver were.

This marks my first blog as a college dropout. I should probably elaborate, no? Well, earlier today I filled out my “Withdrawal From College” form. After a few weeks of uncertainty, it all became certain. The loan that I was planning would cover this academic fell through. It all came to fruition this morning. I went to my schools financial aid and got the low down on what I would have to pay pout of pocket (after some more generous scholarship money). After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it would simply be too much burden on my self (and my family).

The decision of withdrawing from college was not an easy one, nor was it one that I took lightly. It was a serious decision that I put a lot of though and consideration into. I am not just deciding to quit, or that it is too much for me. That is not the case at all. Even though I made the decision, there is some part of me that feels like I had no other choice. There was no other option. I had to do it.

As of now, I have no clue what the future holds. I don’t know where I will go from here. It’s been a few hours since I have been a real world person (and not the skanky, sluty, MTV real word, but like, the actual real world) and it has been scary and full of uncertainty. I cannot however, lie and say that it has not been bitter sweet. The bitterness comes from the fact that I will not be in class with Lindsey. The bitterness comes from not being able to participate in Pep Band 612, No Way Jose or Campus Kitchens. It comes from the lack of ability to call myself a college student. I also no longer have the four year luxury of wait time. The wait time that I so desperately need to start my life. The four year wait time in which I would hope for change. The bitterness also comes from the fact that other great things in my life are now once again in the uncertain. Next summer because uncertain for me. It also comes from a slew of other things that I don’t even know that I will miss.

The sweetness of it all comes from the fact that getting away from this environment has become a reality for me. The first year of college was not what I had expected at all. I have honestly never felt so unwanted, lost, scared, alone, hopeless, and unimportant. Yet, it is now that I realize that I am thankful for the small group of people that did in fact embrace me at college. It is now that the realization comes to me. The fact that the small group of people that I did spend time with, that those are the people that I will miss. That those are the people that mattered all along.

Despite the bitter-sweetness of it all, I will miss going back to school. As one of my friends put it “Why can’t there be a scholarship for people that are motivated and actually like going to school” (I paraphrase that). However, for those of you going back to school, please send my regards to the drunk deuche bags with a 1.6 Grade Point Average.**

**Okay, that was me being bitter. I am sure they have a lot to offer to society.

P.S. I didn’t proof read this. That is something that a college student would do. Being that I am now a college drop out, I don’t fine the need.

Have you ever been afraid of making a really big decision? Afraid of the mistakes that would come from making it. Wait, but don’t we learn from our mistakes. Yes, I guess we do. However, there is another side to that. We heard that we learn from our mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that we didn’t make the mistake. Learning is one thing, but what happens after we make the mistake? I mean, we learned from it, but is that all? I would think so right?

Life isn’t like a choose your own adventure book. The chapter books that let you decide what would happen next. The book would ask you a question, and you would turn to a certain chapter based on the event you wanted to happen. I’m about to be honest here. I used to cheat on those. Whenever I would die I would turn back to the previous section and choose the second option. Now, don’t stone me just yet. I am certain that many of you did that as well. I mean, seriously, lets be honest, no one wanted to die in those books. If anything that we didn’t approve of happen to us, we would just go back. We would cheat.

The catch is, that in life, when we make the wrong decision there is no going back to the previous section. We can’t turn the page. We can’t undo our choices. Sure, we learn from them, but just because we learned from them doesn’t mean that we are in a better position.

Lets say I decide to stab someone in the stomach. I think that for all intents and purposes, that would be a mistake. After doing it I end up getting caught and going to jail. Somewhere in the legal process, I realize that I shouldn’t have done it. I realize that I will not do it again. Great, I learned from the mistake, and now I won’t go around stabbing people in the stomach. However, I still have to deal with the consequences. I can’t go up to a jury and say that I learned from my mistake and won’t do it again. I mean, I could, but I don’t think it would help much.

As much as we are told that mistakes are good, they really aren’t. I mean, if you make a small mistake you’re good. However, there are many times when the mistakes that we make are not small at all. I wouldn’t say that they are life threatening, but I mean, they are pretty major. I know that I have been told that I shouldn’t be afraid of the decisions that I make. Regardless something good will come out. Yet, what if the only thing that comes out is that it is a learning experience? Sure, great to have learned, but then where will I be afterward?

On the one hand I feel as if I am just afraid of making certain decisions. I am afraid of what would come. I have been trying to think of these choices in all logical forms. I have run all the possible scenarios in my head. Overall, I am afraid. Yet, can you blame me? I feel as if I am jumping off a bridge and I don’t know if I have a bungee cord or not. I really want to have a bungee cord!

I am starting this new thing called Random Questions Blog. The premise is that people will either email (or comment) Random Questions that I will answer in my Random Question Blog. This is the first in the series, and it comes from myself! haha.

Random Question: What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you at a gas station?

Well, this is a great question because I am pretty sure that we all have weird gas station experiences. For my European readers (I have some, I checked) it is basically an American Law that all gas stations are a little sketch.

My weird gas station experience comes from a time that I went to the gas station with my dad. On this particular day he didn’t even have to get gas. We went in to get some drinks. For some reason he paid with a 100 dollar bill. Anyways, he got his change and then we went back to our car, and then left.

As we were exiting he was putting away his change, and he noticed that one of the 20 dollar bills that the guy had given him looked a little weird. Instead of leaving he turned around and decided to park. He inspected the 20, and it turned out that it was a counterfeit 20. I had never actually seen a fake bill, so it was kind of a surprise. I was curious as to how someone knew that it was fake. Although, when I actually saw the bill I knew. It was a horrible fake (not that I know what a good fake looks like). However, you could totally tell it was fake. The paper was all cut uneven and a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t remember.

Well, long story short, my dad decided to go back into the gas station and tell the guy that gave it to us that it was fake. I didn’t think it would work, and I also thought that it would get the cops calls on us. Although, it actually turned out that the guy just took the money and gave us a different bill. My dad thought that he must have placed the 20 there and given it to us on purpose. After thinking about it I kind of have to agree. I mean, you would have to be really stupid to believe that the bill was real. Any ways, after this we just took our real money and left.

That was my weird gas station story. I want to know yours! Leave it in the comments. Also, ask ME random questions and you might see them (and get a shout out) in my next Random Question Blog.

[For those of you interested in reading more Random Questions Blogs just click on the Random Question Blog category.]